If I go to pee, I poop
If I want to poop, I pee
If the urge to pee and poop comes on simultaneously – nothing happens.
Pee takes it time – like a diva – to emerge
Then continues dribbling over my legs and toilet seat†
Poo emerges horizontally oriented backwards, rather than straight down into the pan
Ejaculation is retrograde, if ever
* BHP – Benign Hyperplasia of Prostate or BPH – Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia or Hypertrophy